Hang On, Let Me Overthink This

Gendered Pronouns

By Regan Roderigues

Five letters or less. Amazing how these seemingly simple pronouns have caused such controversy. And fear.

In English, we often refer to one another using pronouns when speaking. Frequently, when speaking of an individual in the third person, these pronouns have a gender implied; for example: “he” to refer to a man/boy or “she” to refer to a woman/girl. Pronouns are basically how we identify ourselves apart from our name.

These associations are not always correct or instructive. We can no longer assume a person’s pronouns. The introduction of neopronouns has me even more unsure.

According to Kelsey Pacha, a California-based LGBTQ training consultant and founder of Infinite Diversity Consulting, “Neopronouns may reflect a person’s personality, fandoms, favorite emojis, etc. (did Prince start this trend?)”

It is natural not to know the right words to use at first. It takes many of us some time to get the hang of a new concept. I consider myself a quick study; however, I must admit, have faltered on occasion when using gendered pronouns. In an effort to help myself and others feel less “confused and uncomfortable” when using these little, but powerful words, I enlisted the help of Duxbury Free Library Community Engagement and Reference Librarian Sam Correia.

RR: Neopronouns vs gender pronouns. What’s the difference?

SC: Gender pronouns are what we are familiar with:

She/ Her/Hers    “She is calling”

He/Him/His          “He is calling”

They/Them/Their    “They are calling”

It is important to note, using the singular “they” is grammatically correct and has been used in the English language for centuries.

Sometimes a person might use multiple pronouns, such as he/they or they/she. This means you can use either of those pronouns with them.

A neopronoun is a word created to serve as a pronoun without expressing gender. They have been newly introduced into the language. This category of pronouns is used in the third-person singular. They aren’t as common, but they’re becoming more popular.

For example:

Ze/Zem/Zir,   “ Ze laughed”

Ze/Hir/Hirs     “ I called Zir phone”

Ey/Em /Eir      “That is Zirs”

If you aren’t sure of someone’s pronouns, you can use ‘they/them” as a gender-neutral default.

RR: Admittedly I have stumbled and been unsure when to use appropriate pronouns. The overwhelming societal response of “cancel culture” and “wokeness” can make folks hesitant to try to step out of their comfort zone. Working at the Duxbury Senior Center, I am always aware of perspective, experience, and history. The folks I interact with daily come from a generation when a person wasn’t even allowed to be openly gay let alone choose their pronoun:

“This is all so confusing. It’s hard to be accepting of something I don’t understand.” - Robert P. Age 72

“I am not sure I completely understand, but I am trying to learn.” -Virginia S. Age 80

“Why is it even necessary? I feel so lost within the world today.” - Judith C. Age 86

“I am so fearful of getting this wrong. What if I insult someone unwittingly? In my time these changes were not even an option. I’m confused quite frankly.” -Mary R. Age 78

“I want people to feel comfortable. Sometimes, though, I need more context when someone is using a singular they.” -Pat B. Age 63                                                                                                  

SC: Everyone makes mistakes, and it’s easy to correct yourself if you use the wrong pronoun for someone. There is no need to make a big deal out of the mistake and draw more attention to it. It’s great to ask people about their pronouns, though not recommended to force people to share. Invite or encourage a person to share. Using someone’s correct pronoun is a way to respect them and create an inclusive environment. This is a quick and easy way to show a willingness to learn. New things will always be uncomfortable and difficult. This means we are growing as individuals as well as growing within community, meeting people where they are.

***

The older I become, I see the world less through a black-and-white lens. Our world is constantly evolving. It doesn’t matter if we ever completely understand all the expanding changes or not.

We can ask, and we can practice.

We all deserve to be treated equally.

Each month, the Duxbury Senior Center in Duxbury, MA hosts events geared towards the LGBTQIA+ Community. Visit duxburyseniorcenter.org for more information.