Becky Lomotey

Photo: Eshun, Claudio. “She Turned Her Kitchen into Her Salon.” 2019. www.claudioeshun.com

We were keyed-up at the opportunity to speak with Becky Lomotey and her oldest son, Claudio, about the life they have made and the gains from three countries, three children, three languages. For 16 years, Becky and Claudio have worked together to manage rent, taxes, tuition, and most recently, a mortgage. This life she and Claudio have put together, in the central Massachusetts city of Worcester, reads like an American dream. But in fact, they are still waiting for that call that makes them U.S. Citizens.

Editor’s Note: Bridget, who was invited to Becky’s home in Worcester, MA, wrote in her notes that Becky “funneled all discussion back to her children and their happiness. She identifies herself through them. Becky’s loyalty to her family and the commitment to the goals she has set for her children are strong and unwavering.”

Living Crue: You work overnights at Walmart? Do you do inventory?

Becky: Yeah, we do stocking.

How long have you been in Worcester?

I’ve been in Worcester for 16 years. This time. Yeah, I had my second child, in 2002 and I went back to Italy.

Italy?!

Yeah.

Okay, we should start from the beginning.

Want me to start from my country? Yeah. Okay. I was born into a big family. I am 7th born of 8 children, and I’m from Accra. I went to school—I ended in high school—after that, I went to hairdressing school at the age of 12.

Twelve?!

Yeah. I started hairdressing in the salon after four years … because my mom, she saw my interest in it. So I started from there. I go to school during the week and then the weekend is hairdressing. And so I learned and after completing my school, I opened a salon. Yeah, I had a salon before I got married, at the age of 27. I had my first son at the age of 27 and a half. Claudio.

And then from there, Claudio and I stayed in my country for 3 years. Then, his father brought us to Italy. I lived in Italy for about 7 1/2 years. But I came back. Italy doesn’t work [for me]. You can’t find a job–mostly women–because if you had kids, they say “you don’t have time for work.” They are serious! And the language, too, doesn’t help.

So you didn’t speak fluent Italian?

Not fluent. God is so good. Two years and then I find myself pregnant again. I had Michael. I came [to the U.S.] for a visit and I had Michael here. The second child. That’s 2002. But I didn’t stay. I went back after 3 months because their father wanted us to come back to Italy. After 4 years, I found myself pregnant again. And I had to come back here because I wanted to stay in America. I wanted the kids to learn English. They only spoke Italian [at that time].

And do you have family here? Did you have a big support system in this country that you didn’t in Italy?

The [family member] we came to? No, not really. I had to move out from their place with the kids and find my own place. I came here in 2006, in April. And then I had [Nadia] in July.  And we still stayed with that family member for almost 2 years before we moved out. So 2008. Let me see, 2008, we moved out to our own place. We were in one room. Wow. Yeah, we started. We started from that place in a basement. And then from the basement, we get our own place for one room. And then two rooms. We managed for, like, 2 years.

You were here when you had nothing. You were in a basement. So, how did you manage to go from the basement to a one bedroom? Were you with Walmart then? So you’ve been with Walmart for 12 years?

I started in 2010. I was still doing hairdressing to support the kids. Yeah. It wasn’t really enough. But I did hairdressing to manage the family. That’s why I started working overnights. At least when they go to appointments and stuff, I can be there for that. That’s why I picked overnights. I’m still overnight.

That’s a lot.

But God is so good. It’s not bad.

Do you miss…What do you miss?

[pausing to compose herself from tears] I miss my family. For years. But this is what I manage for the kids.

Were you closest to one of your siblings?

Oh, yeah. I talk to them. Only I can’t fly to them. Yeah, it’s okay.

How many sisters and brothers do you have?

Right now,  I have 1 brother, 3 back home. My oldest brother is in London. And my 3 sisters are in Africa now. Yeah. We’re all grown now. Actually, let me see, my sister is 51 years old. I’m the 7th, But 1 is after me. But she’s older now. So she’s 50 years old now. We all grown. But I left my country to go to Europe with Claudio when he was 2. So let me see, it’s going to be 24 years now.

You're no longer married. Is your ex husband still in Italy?

Yes. And he doesn’t come visit. Like, for about 10 years now?

[turning to Claudio, Becky’s son, sitting with us]

Claudio: It’s not really consistent. It’s like he’ll say it, and then there’s no follow-through. Or what is it? I don’t think he means well, but it’s just some people are just not fit for certain roles, I’ll just say that.

(to Becky) Is that how you feel?

He doesn’t want to support us. He doesn’t want the sacrifice. If you have kids. It’s a big sacrifice for you to take care of them because they are your responsibilities. But he doesn’t want it. So, I don’t want to get him involved.

Tell me more about your family, about your sisters.

Oh, my sisters—jobs are not there right now. It’s not easy to find a job. So they are now in trading. We have a big store. Provisions, groceries, and stuff. But the one after me, she makes dresses.

What do you remember about Africa?

There was a big family. You know, in Africa we live with our big family. We sleep together. We help each other when we are in need. You can take care of your kids. But over here, you have to pay for it. In Africa, you can go to work all day, by the time you come home, one of your siblings or your mom will take care of the children. They’ll feed them, shower them, everything. But here, everything is done by yourself or you have to pay for it. So if you are not serious, you can’t live in this country. It teaches us a lot.

In my experience, America has helped me a lot. I’m not lying to you. I can go to work. Though it’s stressful,  at least I can take care of these kids. I am always with them going back and forth. That’s all we do right now. I have a family, so I decided to get our own place, to live happily with this family. I really love America. Let me tell you.

Let me say, I can’t go to my country right now, because of documentation. But once I found work, I [became] fine with it. It’s fine. At least I can manage. That’s what helps me right now to afford this house. I save a lot. I’m a person who if I said I want to do something, I do it.

I think you get that from being surrounded by a support system that never told you you couldn’t. So it sounds like you feel like you have two homes, America and Africa?

Yes.

What did you see yourself doing? I mean, 12 years old, you are starting a craft that allowed you to open your own business. Did you plan to leave Africa?

Yeah. I planned to live in Africa before I met my ex-husband and he said, “You can’t live in Africa while I am in Europe.” So, he filed for me and Claudio and we went there.

Do you miss Italy at all?

No.

(turning to Claudio) Do you remember it at all?

Claudio: It’s a little small town. Very. For the most part, everybody, like, works for themselves. Everybody has their own shop. Very intimate, very suburban-to-rural type situation. It’s a small town where everybody knows each other. You go to elementary school together, you go to middle school, and then high school. Even go to college together.

It sounds a little like what you left in Africa. Were you more apt to find that similar cultural, that closer family tie, in Italy?

Uh, well, my husband was renting a house from siblings. Now everybody lives in their own place. So, once a while we would come together as a family. That’s it. Once in a while. We all go to church.

About your citizenship, I’m trying to understand why your documentation hasn’t come through yet?

I have to wait until the middle one, Michael, turns 21 and then he can file for me. Before it was 18, but now it’s 21. He’s now 20.

Is that frustrating for you? All of the waiting?

Before it was. But, I take my mind off of it and say, “forget it” and then concentrate on the kids. Saving, saving, giving money to lawyers, and stuff. So that they are happy. Yeah. They are.

And are you happy?

I am. Very much. From a basement to one room to two rooms. And we went to three rooms. And I said, “God help us,” From there, a home. Yeah. That’s a good thing. God is good.

How many years did you say? 12 years from a basement to a house?

16 years.

That’s a lot in a short amount of time! Tell me what your goals are after Michael turns 21.

Right now, I’m praying they will all stand on their feet, complete their schooling, and find themselves a good job. And then I get everything that allows me to travel back and forth. Because right now, I don’t take vacation. We all want to [go back to Ghana] together. As a family for the first time.

It’s funny—when I ask you about your goals and dreams, you gave me what you want your kids to accomplish. So what about you?

Well, me right now, I haven’t thought of anything yet. [laughing]

Do you want to open a salon again? Did you love being a business owner?

No. It’s been years. If I’m not lying, more than 30 years I’ve been doing hair. But, I don’t want to anymore. Let me say,  when they stand on their feet, I will go back and forth. If I get everything, I’ll go back and forth. I’ll let them stay and work. Right now, my knees hurt! Hips, back pain, and everything! [laughing]

How long do you think you’ll stay when you go back the first time?

The most they give is like, four weeks. You can extend it to, like, six weeks. But at Walmart, you can apply for more if you want to. But the kids can stay longer. With them, at least for their first time, 4 weeks or maybe 6 weeks.

That’s a good stay.

Yeah. But, I forgot everything back home. Everything has changed since COVID.

Did you come straight to Worcester?

Yes, I came straight to Worcester. Most of the African communities are here. That makes you socialize with people. Other places, I don’t know. But we have a huge community here. Different kinds of languages. Some we understand, some we don’t, but at least you can see some of your people.

“When I hear “immigrant” I think someone who left their home. When you hear immigrant, what do
you think?

Claudio: ... unheard people.

Becky: ...Without.”

What is it about this country that you may have heard about but were surprised?

Over here, there are more opportunities than Europe. In Europe, your kids can go to school, see college level. But some of them, they don’t. They can’t get a job. But here, whatever you do—when you stand, when you mean to do it—you can at least get something from it. If you are serious, you can get something. Achieve something. Yeah. I like it. I’m not lying to you. I really do. I have only one question mark. That’s it.

What’s the question, mark?

Why can’t I go back and forth? That’s the only thing. It’s so stressful, but everybody is going through something that is bad. So you can’t complain. At least you can do something with it a little. You manage. Because if I tell people I work at Walmart, I was able to afford a house. I showed them—some of my managers—I showed them. They said, “How did you do it? You say you are a single mother. How did you do it?” I said “Because I want something for my kids.”

Your kids are all your motivation.

Everything. Everything. And my boss in front of me  (pointing to Claudio) He has helped me a lot with the siblings. He is father and brother. So none of the siblings are going to a babysitter. A friend gives me help, but most of it, I give to him. Right? At least most of it. And I pray for him that he will stand on his feet. Well, every one of them.

Did anyone ever tell you that you could not do something? Who you laughed at and said, “Yes, I can!

Yeah. Some people say, “Prove you can do that.” My ex-husband would say, “What can you do?” And I said, “I can do all things through the one who created me!” So look at me now.

What does home look like now? I know COVID has changed every country at some level, but what was Africa when you left compared to now?

Africa! Oh, my dear!

Tell me more!

Oh, Africa! It’s good to be there—if you have something, you do it. There are people that have more money. They send their kids here to school, they pay. They buy houses here. You can feel the sun! But here, we have not many months of sun [laughing]. But for me, it strengthens me. It makes me feel more than before—because I have to do everything. No child support, nothing. I don’t get things from the government or the state. Because of my documentation, I don’t want to be like that because that will block you somewhere.

So you haven’t taken a single bit of help from the country that you call home?

No.

If you wanted it, you worked for it, you got it. If your kids wanted it, you worked for it, you got it.

When I file for the year, I save it. That’s right.

That’s incredible. Not a single bit of help. You have your church community. You have your oldest son.

Oh, yeah. We have a community, but we don’t rely on them.

How would 12-year-old you think about you now? I hear how you describe Africa and you said family is everything. You had someone there to help and then you come here and you don’t get that here.

Yeah, not even you. You are working for somebody, to get paid. I’ve been hired to be a cleaner in someone’s house. Do I have the money to pay someone to help me? No. I have to do it on my own. So that’s how. Yeah, the kids help. So it’s okay.

Were there any tough times?

It was before. But now I wash everything out.

How did you do that?

By always saying, God helped us to find this place. I know it. I feel happy. Like, I have a solid foundation right now.

(to Claudio) And how about you?

Claudio: What about me?

“The current system is f-ed up! And I’m not pointing at Republicans, Democrats—I see it from both sides. And it’s immigrants being used as pawns like chess pieces ... My mom, she’s way more graceful and positive. But for me, I’m more objective and I can kind of see it black and white sometimes.”

When you think about where you came from and you think about your life in America?

Claudio: Well, I still consider myself African. I struggle to call myself American a lot of times. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely am behaving like an American, but mentally speaking, I don’t think I have accepted that just yet. It is this constant fight spiritually and physically with America. As someone who has gone through the education system here and ended up in college, the point of grad school—I sometimes feel invisible. I just feel like I’m not seen or heard enough. But  … I don’t forget the open arms some communities have given me. However, looking at it from a holistic sense, I wouldn’t really consider myself American.

(To Becky) How does that make you feel?

Becky: Bad. I wish he didn’t [feel that way].

But you see him standing on his own two feet?

Becky: Yes.

Making art. And telling a story.

Becky: Yes.

Claudio, If you could stand up on a box right now and be seen, what is it that you want everyone to hear?

Claudio: The current system is f-ed up! And I’m not pointing at Republicans, Democrats—I see it from both sides. And it’s immigrants being used as pawns like chess pieces. And then it’s like we’re beyond that. My mom, she’s way more graceful and positive. But for me, I’m more objective and I can kind of see it black and white sometimes. Many of us don’t know about DACA, but then DACA is constantly in the news. My mom, she’s more comfortable not sharing about DACA. However, me as a not only as a young dreamer, literally, and through the messaging, it can take a toll mentally … I also became a little more angry. However … I have my mom, who who grounds me and like, you know, shows me the way through the church community, and me kind of navigating this world through photography. But yeah, just listen and be genuine. I’ve grown to, see right through people and see people’s true intentions. You do isolate from people. Yeah. I try to be mindful of educating people. And that’s the role I am in right now through my work. I’m an educator and trying to be a business owner.

This house is a mecca of your country, your culture, where you came from, yes? How do you walk out the door and transition to a very different culture?

Claudio: I think about society, What’s going to happen today? How can I protect myself? Who’s watching me? I’m always feeling it, I always feel watched. Watched in 2 ways: Is an immigration officer spotting me? I don’t know. Surveilling me? But also being watched in a way where I have to be a good role model for my 2 siblings. My tone, the way I talk to people. Even sometimes the way I dress, I have to be mindful of that. But then I truthfully, I’m in a place where I’m, like, doing a social experiment where it’s like, I know all of these things about me and then how can I sometimes make a person feel awkward enough or change their way of thinking in order for them to reflect their own implicit biases and then start this conversation like, “Hello, my name is Claude”!

Truthfully, throughout all, I really start with thanking God for taking me to my destination. And then by the time I come home thanking God again, I’m back.

I’ll try to avoid certain accidents and I’ll get into a bigger accidents, and I’m like, “Okay, this is just great” and it will fall back on me. So, yeah, that independence aspect, trying to reach out for any extra help—I learned a lot from my mom by saving or at least having a safety net. And be five steps ahead. I can’t predict things, but … I am in tune and I can kind of see 5 steps ahead … And that’s how I am able to get work, how I get people to resonate with me. When people—older people, people who are having executive roles, people who are artists—they want to talk to me and then I’ve learned to, like, to just be myself. Even if it’s like me being goofy, genuine, me or being super energetic, or more serious. I don’t know. I used to be … a perfectionist.  I just let all of that go … I’ve learned not to expect anything from anybody. Just do what you want to do. No, not do what you want to do, but do the right thing without wanting anything out of it. That’s just kind of been my way of navigating this world.

Do right or move on.

Yep. DROMO.

Editors note: DROMO is the word for “Grace” in Becky and Claudio’s native Ga language. But it is also an acronym for “Do Right or Move On” which Claudio created for his first book of art. Readers can find and purchase “DROMO” at claudioeshun.com.

I still don’t feel like you’ve told me what you want to scream out if you were standing in a crowd.

I would probably say, “What’s going on in America?” I think maybe because my mom is here. So my mom, she knows how to keep me in check. But like, truthfully, if my mom wasn’t around? Ok,  I’ll share. For example, at my school I was like a stat. I felt like, well, it’s not like I feel like a stat, but a lot of the times I feel like I’m just a number and I’m like, “No, we’re not just a number. We don’t fit certain boxes.”

We who?

Claudio: Immigrants. DACA*. Immigrants, illegal immigrants, quote, unquote. Using the word “alien.” There are certain things that dehumanize people and it’s like, “Why are we dehumanizing people? Especially knowing the history behind America?” That’s what gets me really messed up. Also, the education and health care system here—other countries provide a universal plan where it’s benefiting all demographics. But you come here and it’s just kind of like structured in a way [to make it difficult] if you have little-to-no money to get basic [needs], and even then it’s in a programmed sort of way. Yeah, So because of that, “What is going on in America? Like, what the hell is going on in America?”

So you identify yourself as an immigrant because that’s how you felt you have been labeled?

Yeah.

If you had to put a label on yourself?

Claudio: Immigrant.

When I hear immigrant, I hear someone who left their home. When you say immigrant, what do you think?

Claudio: A community of unheard people.

Becky: Yeah.

Becky, you, too?

Becky: Unidentified.  “Without.”

What does that, in this country—because you are an American for all intents and purposes—what does that mean? You used the words “dehumanizing” and “statistic.”

Claudio: Yeah, the whole time … Am I being chosen because of my skill sets and intelligence? Or am I being chosen because I’m Black? Or because my mom is a single mother? Because I’m the first born, first generation immigrant? Because I have grades that are really good? So, it’s like, a little imposter syndrome. And specifically by those who have been American or have citizenship here and they’re not doing or not following their dreams or aspiration, and I am. And then, “Oh, you’re the smart Black kid from the ’hood.” Just like little things like that. And it’s like, “Oh, this guy is a rebel [because of his] hairstyle or demeanor.” And it’s like—and don’t get me wrong—I got that same thing in my African community, too. My aunt wasn’t a fan of my hairstyle, even my mom. too. But you know … society, traditions ... So it’s like, just by being human, just listening and being receptive to people. And I’ve learned that a lot of us don’t listen enough to people. And then what I mean, listening not just to their words, but the tone, their body language.

(to Becky) Have you ever felt not seen here?

Becky: Yeah. The way things went on at school. I’ve applied for him, but they didn’t accept him. So I don’t know what is going on. He’s trying his best. He’s going to school, well-educated. I’m not fully educated, but I want all my kids to be like that. So I let him be. I said, “Whatever you want to do, do it.” Before I didn’t. But now, when you’re getting older, things change.  So I let him do what he wants to do, to be happy with what he wants to be. Stand on your feet. We’re getting old. If God is so good, don’t come and put on me. Be on your own. Be happy with whatever you are doing.

That’s all it is, right now. When he was a science student and doing that stuff, he said, “Mom, this is what I want photography.” Before, I didn’t understand. I tried. But when he said he wanted to share his stories and everything. I’ve accepted it.

That’s his voice.

Becky: Yeah. You’ve got to make him happy because there’s bitterness in him. And I want him to take that out from him. Because this is life. It has strength. He needs to stand on his feet. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. There are some people who get life. Easy. Easy. But with us always is different. That will make you move forward. Just focus. And now I can go see who that is focusing. There’s still something in his heart, but that thing is, it’s documentation. It’s really bad.

I feel for him bad, because the other two, they have citizenship. Okay? But mostly, if they got me, I don’t care … But all the same. All of this—there’s nothing you can do until the time comes.

I’m starting to get the feeling that you never looked around when you were here to see if you were feeling seen or unseen. Because all you cared about was if these three saw you.

Claudio: I know she was looking through us, but I was looking at the bigger picture. On paper, I just knew my mom’s income or salary wouldn’t be sufficient, for example. So me working 80 hours so I can be a cosigner to validate her. Working, hustling. Like, don’t get me wrong. Like, I know my mom was working, too, but I would try to work maybe harder than her, but then that probably put a lot of stress on me, especially trying to keep up the good student role. Many times I’ll come in and, you know, and do certain things to make sure bills were paid or money was available. I definitely have to always take the longer route to do things, which is super annoying … So it’s definitely taught me to be a planner or how to operate certain things, but a lot of it was not a choice. There was no choice involved. And as a young person, when you don’t really have a choice, do you really want to do it? No young person wants to do it. However, first born, I’m not going to have my siblings do it. My mother, she’ll do it. But if she can focus on my siblings, why I can focus on them three, I’ll do that. So she never really cared about the visibility thing, but I did, because she’s not getting support from the government. We’re not getting support from anybody. We’re doing it ourselves. I know many other families are going through this. This is just, this is not a normal way of living.

Do you feel ever like the cultures are clashing?

Claudio: We’re not clashing. I’ve learned to mix my culture with American culture. Once in awhile I feel like it’s fully mixed in [and] I’ll call myself African American, on top of the documentation. But I think more now, I’m starting to mix in my American with my Ghanaian culture, truthfully. I’m starting to see light on the other side and just trying to let things go.

See the beauty in your history?

Claudio: Yeah. Beauty. I want to say, it’s an honor for me to experience something like this. I wouldn’t want anybody else to experience this. However, I’m very thankful I was able to experience this school of life, I would call it.  For some of my age. I would say, yeah, physically, I’d been told I look older than my age. Because of that, there’s two factors. Maybe it’s the stress here, maybe. But also it’s just I don’t know, I think I’ve always kind of had this, like serious demeanor. Like I look at my young images and I was always kind of straight faced, straightforward, very observant. So maybe I was always aware. I feel like I was always aware.

(to Becky) Do you feel like you are also bringing your history into your present? Are you blending cultures?

Becky: What do I say about that? Hmmm… All I have to say is, with everything that went on, it does make me strong.  Going back and forth [to Europe], I see one single mother taking care of [the children]. Before, I used to cry about it. Oh, yes. But now, I see anything can happen. But then I say “You have to be strong. That’s life.”

So it’s not your culture, it’s your identity as—

Becky: As a mother.

That’s made you strong--a woman who proved to everyone that it’s about being a mother?

Becky: A mother, Yes.

Claudio, you were talking about mixing cultures and taking pride in both and mashing them up and bringing them out into your everyday life and your art. And I wonder if you’re getting response from that?

Claudio: Yeah, I definitely am. Because things have been picking up like artistically, like I never really saw myself flourish. And just quickly, as an artist, I would say, I feel like what I’m trying to convey visually is not problematic, but like, “what the heck is going on here?” For those who understand it, they say, “Wow, Claude, thank you for making this type of work.” So I constantly battle with it. It’s a roller coaster, but I’m in for the ride. I think it’s something that I’ve been experiencing before photography, and it’s something that I’ve grown with. And I just want to continue on, especially because there are others out there … I feel like I’m some form of a messenger through art.

That’s incredible. (to Becky) You must be proud.

Becky: Yeah, I am.  Yes, that’s all right. Right now, he’s happy before he was not.

Claudio:  I don’t know what her definition of me being happy is, but I’m like, “Yeah, Mom, I don’t know, man. I just seen it all.” You know, when you see it all at a young age, it’s kind of tough.

Do you know what he means when he says he’s seen it all?

Becky: No. No.

Maybe you don’t want to talk about it.

Claudio: In the immigration system, the streets, institutions, and in homes. Yeah. I just can keep going. But for me, it builds character. Maybe that’s why I don’t judge anybody.

Despite feeling judged? That speaks volumes about you.

Claudio: Yeah. No one is perfect.  I definitely have anger, but I understand no one’s perfect, including myself … I try not to be mad at humanity as much as I sometimes would want to. I think my mom just helped me be more graceful and understanding [of people’s circumstances].

(to Becky) What makes you laugh now?

Becky: Right now. God has helped me  Before Claudio started college because of our documentation. No financial aid. We had to pay from my pocket. So I do pay out of my pocket while he also worked and payed rent—because he rented a place for himself to live closer to the college.

What makes you look forward to the next thing? Is it a church event? Is it music? Is it getting dressed up, being in Claudio’s photography?

Becky: Oh yes, my dear! Why wouldn’t I like it? Oh, yes! I mean, I like fancy things, nice things. When I dress up and go somewhere, I feel good about myself. Yeah. Yes. And I like my kids to dress up, too.   

So what about you, Claudio? What makes you laugh?

Claudio: What makes me laugh? Being around my people. Family, friends. Everybody just being the true, authentic selves. That gets me to laugh. Going out. Parties. Events. Yeah. Sometimes a nice, good joke. Food, I’m not going to lie. Creating and working with other artists. And as a photographer, getting that shot that gets me excited.